Don't I deserve to be me?

You know when you reach the point of your life that you’re so tired of people around you. Tired of always following what they want. I've always been the type of person who always follow what everyone wants and adjust myself to the situation or to the person. I just keep silent even if i'm no longer comfortable or tired. I always please everyone to like me and in order to fit in. 

 I guess lately that change a bit... lately all I wanna do is make myself happy and not pressure myself in making other people to like me. I never thought Id reach this point... but i'm probably tired of pleasing people around me. I just felt that the more I please and follow them, the more I feel hurt and lost my drive to live in this world. 

I  feel uninspired day by day thinking, hearing, or reading people expectations on what I should do and I shouldn’t. 

I feel like I have no right to do what I want. 

I feel like they are saying those coz i'm often wrong in the end and so I have no right to decide on my life.  

I feel so restricted to be me... to be happy... 

Yes, I've made mistakes. I mess up most of the time. I've made bad decisions. But don't I deserved to be me and be happy because of it? 

 Freedom and Peace. Why is it so hard to get?

#LifeLately | After The Long Hiatus

Hey everyone! It has been so long since I've updated this blog. I actually felt ashamed to my readers and disappointed in myself, since I keep on saying I am back and going to post regular updates. Yet, I am still missing in action. 

The challenges...

I noticed...what's holding me back from updating this blog regularly is that I want a well-organized and well-made blog post... Something that my readers will have some take away after reading. Something that is relevant and pleasing in the eye (image-wise most especially)… And so, it's stressing me out and not publish a post in the end...

With a lot of backlogs that I want to share, I got so overwhelmed on which one I should be sharing first and how to share it. Since it's been so long or it happened way back already.

Anyways, this time around I decided I won't make any more promises and I won't pressure myself in creating perfect and well-made content. I will let everything flow naturally and share whatever it is that I wanna share, whether it's insightful or not.

I realized... that blogging has been a therapy for me to express what I feel and what I wanted to say. It exercises my mind to think... not just anything superficial but to think happy thoughts. Blogging has helped me overcome my insecurities and anxiety... It helped me to successfully practice mindfulness and gratitude, without me knowing. Every time I clicked the publish button and share something here in my blog I feel happy, accomplished, and blessed.  

And I wanna experience that feeling again...

So to start, let's do the Life Lately series (read more about this series here),
since it's the perfect (and easy) post to start with...

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Watching

Nothing... I haven't been watching anything from K-drama to YouTube vlogs. During my free time at work, I play mobile RPG (Role Play Games). I got addicted to playing games that I mostly spent my time and staying up late playing mobile games. 

Thinking

I am thinking of going back to watching K-drama's again though.
Can you recommend me a feel-good or romantic-comedy K-drama?

Wishing

I'm honestly wishing for prosperity for me this year... last year it was tough.

Hoping

I hope that I will continue to post more updates here on my blog regularly. And that I won't be lazy or feel overwhelmed anymore.

Wanting

I want to travel somewhere!

Needing

Inspiration... I don't know, just lately I felt so uninspired.

Feeling

Sad, because I uninstalled Survival Heroes. I am taking a vacation from playing this game. I so much enjoyed and love playing this mobile game but I had to stop for some reason that is hard and long to explain. T_T

Wearing

Something green... Sleeveless top and shorts. I just realize this now while typing. XD